I've always wondered what will happen after I pass away. What would my family felt and what will everyone do after I die. There are a lot of theories suggesting that one would either go to heaven or hell after death, while some suggest it would either become nothingness or be reincarnated. This always baffles me when I've achieved something in life. Because every time when I accomplished something, I felt like I just moved forward, as if like something is dragging me towards the inevitable end. And I ignored it every time when it bugs me and just continue towards my next goal in life. All the way until now, I realized that there is no escaping the final destination. It took me this long to finally get it through my head that everyone will eventually die, some just really need a little help.
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A recent tragic has occur in the Chow's family, the passing of my father's father (my grandfather) has died on the 14th of January 2015, last Wednesday. It was a shocked when I heard the news from my father. Apparently it was during my first day enrollment into Taylor's college. After receiving the letter of acceptance into the school, I was so excited for a brief moment until when the news arrived, it crushed my happiness soul and turned it into something sorrowful...
I had to return to Pahang and attend the funeral of course. I was expecting a sad environment when I arrive, but for some reason it was nothing. When the moment I entered the house, everyone was chatting and not a single ounce of tears were seen by anyone. All the way until the memorial ceremony, only a few shed of tears were spared in my view. I'm not sure whether am I in a funeral or not after exposing myself to that surrounding.
Everyone had a good meal for dinner and the next day we were preparing ourselves to go to the crematorium by bus. It was a long journey around an hour and a half and when we reached there, we continue to pray and say our final words before sending him off into the crematory. Burning him would take some time, so the whole family decided to have a feast for lunch. (Again, no tears were seen). Some even share some laughter and everything seemed to be normal.
And just when we went back to collect it's ashes and bones, everyone started praying again and his six children (including my father) each had to choose a piece of its' bones and put it into a jar. And with that, everything was settle when we took the bus back home with another hour and a half journey. We arrived at a temple where we have to pray...... again... After some briefing it would seemed that the funeral is finally over.
I feel awkward when attending this funeral where no sadness is seen much. I'm not sure whether this always happen to all types of funeral or did I just watched too much movies where people cried when someone died. Either way, on my way back to KL it got me thinking. Will this happen to me as well when I died??? I'm not sure whether people are not suppose to share sadness when someone pass away, but I don't like it. I don't know why, but I just don't feel like I was in a funeral. All I know was that I was thankful for everything my grandfather has did for me and sad for what I could not repay the debt that I've owed to him. I kept thinking what if........... what if I was able to repay the things that I have owed him. What if I had spent more time talking to him... (I mean I lived so close to him for 2 years).
I don't want to regret the decisions that I've made, but sometimes I felt that I should at least repay the debt I owned to someone before it's too late. More or less, this is just a suggestion that I would like to share.
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